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Brett - "SE CHOMPIES IV"

Yahoo Draft Grade: A

You know what, credit, where credit is due. This is a pretty good draft. RB's? Loaded. Bench? Pretty loaded. Decent rest of the team. Worst QB ever. But you know what, all of that is irrelevant. The reason Brett gets a B is that this, this TOP RATED Yahoo draft grade team means that somehow, someway, Brett might not make 1,532 waiver claims this season in a bid to improve his 4th string running back with a blocking tight end. Congrats Brett. I'm impressed. With all that said. you're not going 12-1. You're not winning the league. And I know deep down you're still making at least 1,531 moves regardless.

Commish Thom Draft Grade: B

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Tom Brady
WR: Adam Thielen
WR: Doug Baldwin
RB: Kareem Hunt
RB: Leonard Fournette
TE: Jimmy Graham
W/R/T: Peyton Barber
BN: Devin Funchess
BN: Tevin Coleman
BN: Alshon Jeffery
BN: Patrick Mahomes
BN: Tyler Eifert
BN: LeGarrette Blount
K: Matt Prater
DEF: Philadelphia Eagles
 

FINAL LINEUP - TBD

QB: 
WR: 
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RB: 
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TE: 
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BN: 
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DEF: 

 
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JACK - "The DIRTY PISTONS"

Yahoo Draft Grade: B

This was Jack's first draft and Yahoo has given him the 2nd best team overall... Hmm... Sure... Right... Even computers have feelings I guess. Jack - it want's you to feel good. It wants you to feel accomplished. It want's you to think you can beat people. Guess what big buddy. It's not happening. Your strategy of - download a spreadsheet from the internet and 'Read the yellow notes in the draft client' is maybe the worst thing I've ever heard and a recipe for 10th place. Exactly what you deserve for your shoddy research and lack of preparation. 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: B-(but in the sense of when you give the worst kid in class an okay grade in order to encourage them to try harder in the future).

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Deshaun Watson
WR: Julio Jones
WR: Odell Beckham Jr
RB: Kenyan Drake
RB: Joe Mixon
TE: Delanie Walker
W/R/T: Nelson Agholor
BN: Dion Lewis
BN: Jamison Crowder
BN: Chris Thompson
BN: Kerryon Johnson
BN: Jesse James
BN: John Ross
K: Will Lutz
DEF: Los Angeles Chargers

FINAL LINEUP - TBD

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
RB: 
RB: 
TE: 
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THOM - "MILDLY DANGERRUSS"

Yahoo Draft Grade: B

Oh here we go, here we fucking go. I can feel it my bones this year chaps. Won the regular season last year and now it's time to take that final step and cement my status as a mildly (DangerRuss) above-average fantasy player. This team is loaded. Stars! Sleepers! Steals! Some other positive S words! C'est magnifique. And yes that's right. Even without Russ, I'm keeping my name. What can I say - do I think Alaska is a solid medium cost airline with good cheese plates - i do*. Do I think that the Portland Diamond Project is a worthwhile cause that will bring the glorious game of baseball to Portland - I do. Do I think that Russ might be a future mayor of a small time Oregonian town - I absolutely do. You've got me Russ. I've fallen under your spell after all these years.
*Please note - Taylor read this and her response was - "you really feel this way about Alaska Airlines?

Commish Thom Draft Grade: A motherfucking +

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Cam Newton
WR: DeAndre Hopkins
WR: Tyreek Hill
RB: Melvin Gordon III
RB: Royce Freeman
TE: Trey Burton
W/R/T: Derrick Henry
BN: Marquise Goodwin
BN: Sony Michel
BN: Phillip Rivers
BN: Kenny Stills
BN: Mike Williams
BN: James Conner
K: Chris Boswell
DEF: Denver Broncos
 

FINAL LINEUP

QB:
WR:
WR:
RB:
RB:
TE:
W/R/T:
BN:
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BN:
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K:
DEF:

 
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Aaron - "BO$$E$"

Yahoo Draft Grade: B

The Bo$$e$ are Ron-le$$ this year, and that's okay. They've gone through an extensive brand review and come out the other side simpler, smarter, better? According to Yahoo, it's a yes. Maybe it's because you didn't draft a kicker in the 9th round this year... we'll never know for sure...You took my sweet sweet Saquon from me with your 1st pick and I'm frankly livid about it, but it's created a solid squad that's primed to compete except for:
-Aaron 'I just got paid and don't care anymore' Rodgers
-Stefon 'one good play all season and it wasn't during fantasy season' Diggs
-Allen 'I tore my ACL last season and will never be the same' Robinson
-Saquon 'I'm probably not going to be as good as everyone thinks' Barkley
-Dalvin 'Also coming off a torn ACL' Cook
-Jordan 'made of glass' Reed
-Marshawn 'already injured' Lynch
-Robert 'one good season' Woods
-Sammy 'no QB want's to the throw me the ball' Watkins
-Kirk 'YOU LIKE THAT' Cousins
-Tarik 'I'm good for 2 catches a game' Cohen
-Ronald 'I got too fat to even be the backup RB 'Jones (the 2nd)
-O.J 'I was a 1st round pick for the Bucs and will never be seen from again' Howard
-Matt 'geriatric' Bryant
-Houston 'we're nothing without JJ Watt' Texans. 
Aside from those guys. You'll be great.

Commish Thom Draft Grade: C

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Aaron Rodgers
WR: Stefon Diggs
WR: Allen Robinson II
RB: Saquon Barkley
RB: Dalvin Cook
TE: Jordan Reed
W/R/T: Marshawn Lynch
BN: Robert Woods
BN: Sammy Watkins
BN: Kirk Cousins
BN: Tarik Cohen
BN: Ronald Jones II
BN: OJ Howard
K: Matt Bryant
DEF:  Houston Texans

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
RB: 
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TE: 
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Dustin - "Tater Todds"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C+

Dustin. Dustin, Dustin, Dustin. Mariota? Again? When will you stop punishing yourself. He seems like a great guy. Genuinely lovely. He was a great college QB, but he ain't doing the business for you this year, or the year before, or the year before that. Sorry mate. It's just not happening. It's like you took your entire draft and then just flushed it down the toilet with a hint of exotic smashmouth and 'throwing a TD to yourself' irony. I'll be seeing you in 2 months for a trade for Todd. 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: Mmmmmmm(ariota)

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Marcus Mariota
WR: A.J Green
WR: Demaryius Thomas
RB: Todd Gurley II
RB: Jordan Howard
TE: Zach Ertz
W/R/T: Carlos Hyde
BN: Greg Olsen
BN: Will Fuller V
BN: Cooper Kupp
BN: Aaron Jones
BN: Bilal Powell
BN: Devante Parker
K: Daniel Carlson
DEF: Pittsburgh Steelers

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
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TE: 
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Raphael - "Ninja Turtle Power"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C+

Julian Edelman ain't saving this season for you Raph. This is the safest, safe team I've ever seen in my life. Zero risk, moderate reward. It's a 5th place team with a playoff berth and a hope for Ezekiel Elliot based salvation. Jon Gruden will trade Amari by November and that's honestly what you should be hoping for. 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: D

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Andrew Luck
WR: Davante Adams
WR: Amari Cooper
RB: Ezekiel Elliott
RB: Devonta Freeman
TE: Evan Engram
W/R/T: Alex Collins
BN: Chris Hogan
BN: Robby Anderson
BN: Jamaal Williams
BN: Julian Edelman
BN: Matt Breida
BN: Dede Westbrook
K: Justin Tucker
DEF: Chicago Bears

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
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Pieyre - "Napoleon's Army"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C

I think this is it, it's finally the year that Pieyre has a shitty fantasy team. The excitement is palpable. You know your current projection is 2-11? 2-11! That's incredible. It's wonderful. I can't wait. At this point Napoleon isn't even on St Helena anymore, he's halfway to Brazil trying to run away from this car crash of a team. You HAD to take Drew Brees. You HAD to take Michael Thomas. You should of completed the set with Alvin Kamara. You're living and dying by the Saints and Yahoo is saying you're already 6 feet under. Rex Burkhead is an elaborate Belichick ruse. Keelan Cole and and Geronimo Allison have never caught a pass (that anyone can remember). 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: F

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Drew Brees
WR: Antonio Brown
WR: Michael Thomas
RB: Lamar Miller
RB: Rex Burkhead
TE: Travis Kelce
W/R/T: T.Y. Hilton
BN: Emmanuel Sanders
BN: Chris Carson
BN: Pierre Garcon
BN: Marlon Mack
BN: Keelan Cole
BN: Geronimo Allison
K: Greg Zuerlein
DEF: Los Angeles Rams

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
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TE: 
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DEF: 

 
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Ben - "See you in 2019"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOOK RUSS FROM ME. I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

Commish Thom Draft Grade: Go F YOURSELF

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Russell Wilson
WR: Mike Evans
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
RB: David Johnson
RB: Duke Johnson Jr
TE: Rob Gronkowski
W/R/T: Corey Davis
BN: Mark Ingram
BN: Alfred Morris
BN: Michael Crabtree
BN: Rashaad Penny
BN: Jack Doyle
BN: Josh Doctson
K: Jake Elliott
DEF: New Orleans Saints

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
RB: 
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TE: 
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BN: 
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K: 
DEF: 

 
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Alec "Chubb-Y Chaser"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C

Here we are again. The Billy Beane of 'Generally Managing'. Mr Spreadsheets himself. There isn't no Moneyballing in fantasy Alec. You need STUD RB's. You need a SOLID QB. You need receivers with functional ACL's. Most of all, you need to not draft a PPR team for a NON-PPR league. Yahoo gave you a C, and honestly it's what you deserve. Hours spent learning the YAC of every player followed by month's of watching them screw the pooch on 3rd and 1. 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: D-

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Jared Goff
WR: Keenan Allen
WR: Brandin Cooks
RB: Alvin Kamara
RB: Christian  McCaffrey
TE: George Kittle
W/R/T: Adrian Peterson
BN: Jarvis Landry
BN: LeSean McCoy
BN: Carson Wentz
BN: Marvin Jones Jr
BN: Sterling Shephard
BN: C.J Anderson
K: Harrison Butker
DEF: Jacksonville

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
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DEF: 

 
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Francis "THETANEHILLSHAVEEYES"

Yahoo Draft Grade: C-

I was worried about Francis's attendance for our draft so I texted him about 15 minutes before. 

This was the response I received:

-"My group messages haven't been working so I've been getting the odd message here and there, but I'm currently very drunk and am going to auto-draft"

Did he auto-draft? Chaps, he did not. Like an absolute trooper. He stepped up to that very wobbly plate resolute in his desire to get his top picks in and proceeded to draft, the one, the only - Jimmy Garoppoloooooooo - in the 3rd round...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Francis. I salute you. Well done good sir. A finer, more drunken drafting debut has never been seen before and for it you deserve to finish top of the league, but will most likely not. 

Commish Thom Draft Grade: D(runk)+

STARTING LINEUP

QB: Matthew Stafford
WR: Ju-Ju Smith-Schuster
WR: Golden Tate
RB: Le'Veon Bell
RB: Jay Ajayi
TE: Kyle Rudolph
W/R/T: Josh Gordon
BN: Jimmy Garoppolo
BN: David Njoku
BN: Isaiah Crowell
BN: Jordy Nelson
BN: Latavius Murray
K: Stephen Gostkowski
DEF: Minnesota
DEF: Baltimore

FINAL LINEUP

QB: 
WR: 
WR: 
RB: 
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TE: 
W/R/T: 
BN: 
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K: 
DEF: