WEEK 1

 
 
  MILDLYDANGERRUSS 105.94  vs SE CHOMPIES IV 65.58  Pfft, what does Yahoo know. This result was never in doubt, even with only 5 points on the board by the start of the afternoon games I knew I had this one covered. As the points kept racking up and I was secretly happy that Tyreek was tearing my beautiful Chargers to shreds, I could sense that out there, somewhere, Brett was browsing the waiver wire and honestly it made me the happiest I've been this year (someone help me).  All-in-all a rough weekend for Brett though, injuries and bad performances screwed his team, but it's still loaded and Yahoo thinks so too.   Mildly DangerRuss's Top Trio:  Tyreek 'I love you so much' Hill - 35.30 Melvin Gordon III - 18.60 Cam Newton - 18.24   SE Chompies IV's Top Trio:  Tom Brady - 22.28 Adam Thielen - 10.20 Philadelphia - 10.00

MILDLYDANGERRUSS 105.94 vs SE CHOMPIES IV 65.58

Pfft, what does Yahoo know. This result was never in doubt, even with only 5 points on the board by the start of the afternoon games I knew I had this one covered. As the points kept racking up and I was secretly happy that Tyreek was tearing my beautiful Chargers to shreds, I could sense that out there, somewhere, Brett was browsing the waiver wire and honestly it made me the happiest I've been this year (someone help me).

All-in-all a rough weekend for Brett though, injuries and bad performances screwed his team, but it's still loaded and Yahoo thinks so too.

Mildly DangerRuss's Top Trio:
Tyreek 'I love you so much' Hill - 35.30
Melvin Gordon III - 18.60
Cam Newton - 18.24

SE Chompies IV's Top Trio:
Tom Brady - 22.28
Adam Thielen - 10.20
Philadelphia - 10.00

 
 
 
  NAPOLEON'S ARMY 131.86 vs  SEE YOU IN 2019 88.42  Some of you may of noticed, but Yahoo has a new feature that gives you a 'Manager Level'. This unfortunate result has pushed Pieyre into the 'Diamond' level, which also happens to be the highest rating. Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to rob him of this bragging point, crushing him week after week until he is bereft, sad and ultimately mentally destroyed enough to never want to play fantasy football ever again. Harsh? Maybe. Justified? Absolutely.  In general this result was unfortunately never in doubt. Brees took garbage time to a new level, Zuerlein and the Rams D went off against the Raiders and despite BT's old reliable (Mike Evans) and (my apparently secret) hate crush Russ having great games, it wasn't enough to get close to Pieyre's outlandish score. The Saints and Rams aren't going to ball out every week though Pieyre, so - hold ya horses ya know?   Napoleon's Army's Top Trio:  Drew Brees - 31.56 Michael Thomas - 22.00 Greg Zuerlein / Rams - 17.00   See You In 2019's Top Trio:  Russell Wilson - 22.42 Mike Evans - 20.70 Rob Gronkowski - 16.30

NAPOLEON'S ARMY 131.86 vs SEE YOU IN 2019 88.42

Some of you may of noticed, but Yahoo has a new feature that gives you a 'Manager Level'. This unfortunate result has pushed Pieyre into the 'Diamond' level, which also happens to be the highest rating. Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to rob him of this bragging point, crushing him week after week until he is bereft, sad and ultimately mentally destroyed enough to never want to play fantasy football ever again. Harsh? Maybe. Justified? Absolutely.

In general this result was unfortunately never in doubt. Brees took garbage time to a new level, Zuerlein and the Rams D went off against the Raiders and despite BT's old reliable (Mike Evans) and (my apparently secret) hate crush Russ having great games, it wasn't enough to get close to Pieyre's outlandish score. The Saints and Rams aren't going to ball out every week though Pieyre, so - hold ya horses ya know?

Napoleon's Army's Top Trio:
Drew Brees - 31.56
Michael Thomas - 22.00
Greg Zuerlein / Rams - 17.00

See You In 2019's Top Trio:
Russell Wilson - 22.42
Mike Evans - 20.70
Rob Gronkowski - 16.30

 
 
 
  NINJA TURTLE POWER 89.66 vs  THE DIRTY PISTONS 82.24  Like your beloved Norwich City Jack, this was mediocre.  In fairness, you were hanging in there and were even ahead for awhile, but next time you should probably keep all the trash talking to yourself until AFTER you win.  In classic Raph style, he knew this result was never in doubt. With the nonchalance of a reigning champ he just needed a (at one point exceedingly unlikely) big night from Davante Adams to put him in the lead for good.   Ninja Turtle Power's Top Trio:  Andrew (back from the dead) Luck - 20.46 Davante Adams - 14.80 Ezekiel Elliott - 14.60   The Dirty Piston's Top Trio:  Joe Mixon - 20.90 Juliooooooo Jones - 18.00 Deshaun Watson - 12.04

NINJA TURTLE POWER 89.66 vs THE DIRTY PISTONS 82.24

Like your beloved Norwich City Jack, this was mediocre.

In fairness, you were hanging in there and were even ahead for awhile, but next time you should probably keep all the trash talking to yourself until AFTER you win.

In classic Raph style, he knew this result was never in doubt. With the nonchalance of a reigning champ he just needed a (at one point exceedingly unlikely) big night from Davante Adams to put him in the lead for good.

Ninja Turtle Power's Top Trio:
Andrew (back from the dead) Luck - 20.46
Davante Adams - 14.80
Ezekiel Elliott - 14.60

The Dirty Piston's Top Trio:
Joe Mixon - 20.90
Juliooooooo Jones - 18.00
Deshaun Watson - 12.04

 
 
 
  CHUBB-Y CHASERS 126.52 vs  BO$$E$ 106.14  You guys might not know, but my back is kind of screwed up. So imagine my delight as I have the misfortune of bumping into Alec on the way to my physical therapy appointment. Within seconds he has gone full lad, yelling something about his spreadsheet prowess and banging on about his 'best score in the league'. Well guess what buddy boy. It's the 2nd best score. Pieyre had you beat all along. Shove that in your spreadsheet and smoke it (please note it pains me to give Pieyre any credit whatsoever).  This big scoring matchup did have all the hallmarks of a close one until Alvin Kamara lost his mind mid-morning and Alec's team never looked back. Aaron's team is certainly in for bigger days, but the most important thing is that Aaron has been reunited with Marshawn Lynch, his one, his only, his BO$$ of BO$$E$.  Never forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPAyOMpisec   Chubb-y Chaser's Top Trio:  Alvin Kamara - 34.10 Jared Goff - 17.22 Keenan Allen - 16.80   BO$$E$'S Top Trio:  Aaron Rodgers - 24.94 Saquon Barkley - 18.80 Stefon Diggs - 11.10

CHUBB-Y CHASERS 126.52 vs BO$$E$ 106.14

You guys might not know, but my back is kind of screwed up. So imagine my delight as I have the misfortune of bumping into Alec on the way to my physical therapy appointment. Within seconds he has gone full lad, yelling something about his spreadsheet prowess and banging on about his 'best score in the league'. Well guess what buddy boy. It's the 2nd best score. Pieyre had you beat all along. Shove that in your spreadsheet and smoke it (please note it pains me to give Pieyre any credit whatsoever).

This big scoring matchup did have all the hallmarks of a close one until Alvin Kamara lost his mind mid-morning and Alec's team never looked back. Aaron's team is certainly in for bigger days, but the most important thing is that Aaron has been reunited with Marshawn Lynch, his one, his only, his BO$$ of BO$$E$.

Never forget: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPAyOMpisec

Chubb-y Chaser's Top Trio:
Alvin Kamara - 34.10
Jared Goff - 17.22
Keenan Allen - 16.80

BO$$E$'S Top Trio:
Aaron Rodgers - 24.94
Saquon Barkley - 18.80
Stefon Diggs - 11.10

 
 
 
 TATER TODDS 95.82  vs THETANEHILLSHAVEEYES 121.04   Ummm, what? WHAT?! How did this happen?! DUSTIN! Come on man, you were beaten by a drunken auto-drafter. Honestly, do you need a hug? Someone give this man a hug. Jesus.  Somehow (I genuinely don't know how), Francis's team won his debut matchup DESPITE Matt Stafford throwing 4 picks. Side note: how do you take Jimmy G in the 3rd round and not even start him? Are you secretly playing chess while we're all playing checkers, or is this pure luck. I guess we'll never know...  Dustin's team was actually super solid, except, that's right, you guessed it (if you read my email last week) MARCUS MAAAAARIOTTTAAAA. I'm not one to say I told you so, but I fucking told you so. You can't trust Puddles man, he'll let you down everytime. If you wanna trade me for Cam, I'm all ears.   Tater Todd's Top Trio (some lovely alliteration right there):  Todd Gurley - 20.70 AJ Green - 13.20 Carlos Hyde - 12.50   TheTaneHillsHaveEyes Top Trio:  Isiah Crowell - 22.20 Jay Ajayi - 20.20 Baltimore - 17.00

TATER TODDS 95.82 vs THETANEHILLSHAVEEYES 121.04

Ummm, what? WHAT?! How did this happen?! DUSTIN! Come on man, you were beaten by a drunken auto-drafter. Honestly, do you need a hug? Someone give this man a hug. Jesus.

Somehow (I genuinely don't know how), Francis's team won his debut matchup DESPITE Matt Stafford throwing 4 picks. Side note: how do you take Jimmy G in the 3rd round and not even start him? Are you secretly playing chess while we're all playing checkers, or is this pure luck. I guess we'll never know...

Dustin's team was actually super solid, except, that's right, you guessed it (if you read my email last week) MARCUS MAAAAARIOTTTAAAA. I'm not one to say I told you so, but I fucking told you so. You can't trust Puddles man, he'll let you down everytime. If you wanna trade me for Cam, I'm all ears.

Tater Todd's Top Trio (some lovely alliteration right there):
Todd Gurley - 20.70
AJ Green - 13.20
Carlos Hyde - 12.50

TheTaneHillsHaveEyes Top Trio:
Isiah Crowell - 22.20
Jay Ajayi - 20.20
Baltimore - 17.00